Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

You are like me, then.

Why would a man be interested in an ordinary woman while there are very beautiful and fabulous women?

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

Do all armies have the same rank structure?

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

It’s still here.

Why are people of mixed race seen as more attractive than non-mixed-race people?

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

I was tired of fighting.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

How are max different from medical and minimum security prisons?

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

And the sadness?

The sadness was still there.

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It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

I had run out of hope.

Be who you already are.

It seems that I am cursed with bad luck. How do I break such a curse?

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

Why cant I feel anything in my sleep? I cannot even feel myself moving, breathing, and swallowing saliva! I cannot even hear anything, not even my alarm! Some people that I've been with says that I'm moving a lot in my sleep, how can I stop it?

I was tired of trying and failing.

It’s here now, writing to you.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

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Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

What are the 10 things you regret doing in your life?

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.